Just Another Birthday
by Aria Azurestone
Summary: I know, I know. It's just another birthday, but I guess I thought this would be the one. The one where he'd call me, see me, hold me, and free me. But it's just another birthday and I'll be fine.


Sixteen finds me. I'm standing behind a table with nothing but the dim glow of sixteen candles lighting the room full of friends from school and my mom and brother. I'm officially sixteen today! How exciting! Surely a day this important would bring my dad here to celebrate with me.

I raise my head and look at all the faces waiting for me to make a wish and blow out the candles. All around me were all the people I invited except for the one I was truly wishing for. As I peeked at the table with presents, I saw the flowers labeled _From Dad_. I smiled to cover up the hurt I was feeling and closed my eyes.

_I'll be fine._

I blew out the candles and everyone cheered. The lights came back on and not too long after, everyone was finishing their slices of cake and chattering about. I went over to the flowers dad sent me and saw a small box next to them, wrapped in some cheap wrapping paper and _From Dad_ sloppily written with black Sharpie.

_Gift-wrapped excuses. I want _you_ to be here, Dad. I don't want things. I want _you. _You could have, at least, called…_

I felt a tear slide down my cheek and quickly wiped it away. I turned to face the happy celebration and put a smile on my face. _It's just another birthday. I'll be fine._

* * *

Nineteen finds me. My girlfriends decided to hold a surprise party for me. I'm surprised they were all able to sneak into our dorm. College security is usually pretty tight around the weekends for this very reason, but the guys managed to get in flawlessly.

There were several plastic cups filled with alcohol I had no idea where it came from, but I didn't care. I was going to have a good time and alcohol was always a necessary element in college parties. There was music playing from someone's iPod and I think I saw my best friend making out with some guy in the corner. Her boyfriend won't hear it from me, that's for sure.

There was a cupcake in the middle of the table of chips and drinks with a candle shaped as the number 19 sitting on it. It almost didn't fit atop the poorly frosted treat, but it was still a little sweet detail from my friends. It brought a smile to my face as I walked past it. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket so I took it out.

Throughout the course of the day, I received tons of messages on Facebook from people congratulating me on my nineteenth birthday and how excited they were for me. My brother left the longest message, of course. He even visited me for an hour and took me out to lunch earlier. It was nice and I love him for it. And even though I have my dad friended, he's never bothered to message me.

And he obviously didn't say anything today, either. _Not that I expected him to or anything._

A guy I've been eyeing for two months interrupted my thoughts and asked if I wanted to go for a drive. I obviously agreed. There was no way I was passing up an opportunity like that. He wasn't as drunk as the rest of us and I trusted him. He was a nice guy.

After twenty minutes of driving, we parked in a dark area I couldn't recognize. He unbuckled his seat belt and started kissing my neck. I giggled and responded by making my neck better accessible and kissed him back. A make-out session in the car wasn't a bad present to get from the hottest guy in school. He took off my shirt in a flash and started at my jeans when I asked him to stop. I didn't want to go that far.

He didn't listen to me. He somehow managed to get me down to my bra and panties and reclined my seat, pushing himself on top of me. I shouted for him to stop, but he wasn't listening to me anymore. I wiggled under him to get his attention, but that only served for him to hold me still as he continued his ministrations. He was picking at my bra's hooks, trying to hack his way into my last protection. I felt him get one hook free and I began to panic.

I tried pushing him off, but he was too strong. Before I knew it, he was forcing himself into me and I could only helplessly scream for him to stop. He finished and hurriedly put his clothes back on. I was a wreck. I could only cry pathetically as I thought about what had just happened.

Desperately trying to clothe myself, I grabbed my dress and wrapped it around me uselessly and held it tight against me like a lifeline. He suddenly started yelling at me, calling me a crybaby and that if I didn't shut up, he'd throw me out his car. That accomplished a strangled sob on my part.

He got out of the car and went around to my side. He opened the door and pulled me out, dragging me to the ground, all the while calling me a whore and that I had to walk all the way back on my own. He threw my shoes out and, not long after, drove away. I openly cried as what happened hit me like a ton of bricks.

_I was just raped. I was raped and dumped in the middle of nowhere._

I screamed at the midnight air, cursing the unfairness of life. I cried for someone to help me. I cried for my brother. I cried for a father who had never been there. Would he come for me? Would dad finally come see me and help me? Where are you, daddy?

I sobbed loudly, slowly beginning to lose my voice. _I didn't ask for any of this. Please, someone, help._ The tears were endless as they slid down my cheeks one after the other.

_Happy birthday to me._

I got up and slipped my red dress on and began the unsure trek home. In the excitement of having him ask me out, I forgot my phone on the table after I used it. My purse was hidden away in my closet, too, because I was afraid someone from the party might try to steal money or something. Calming myself a bit, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. _It's just another birthday, but I'm not fine._

* * *

Four months later, I found myself in a cold, sterile room in the company of strangers wearing white scrubs. One of them was a woman. She approached me and asked me to stay relaxed as the anesthesia did its job. She gave me a warm smile, but all I felt was nervousness.

No one knew I was here. Not my friends, not my brother, not my parents. I was all alone with this child inside me. What else was I supposed to do?

_I'm not capable of raising a child at this stage in my life. I, myself, am a wreck; I can't imagine trying to support another living being. Even my own father gave up on me. He knew from the start I was hopeless. But still… I can't help but wish he was here next to me, holding me and reassuring me that everything was going to be okay. Telling me I can handle this and that I have everyone's support._

_I wish he'd hold me tight and heal my brokenness. He's the source of it, so just seeing him here for me would make me feel so much better. Maybe somehow he'll find out about me and come see me. Maybe he's on his way right now to see how I'm doing? Maybe he'll help free me from all the pain I'm going through._

_Who am I kidding? He's never coming for me. He doesn't care about me. He'd have been a lot more involved if he really cared. He probably thinks I'm not worthy. But you know what? I'll show him. I can take care of myself… and then some. I can raise this baby and give it the life it deserves. Even if it grows up fatherless just like me, I'll make sure he or she is never hurting._

I opened my eyes and quickly yelled for the doctors to stop the procedure. I told them I changed my mind and that I wanted to keep my baby.

I smiled as I sat in my bed in my hospital room. I rubbed my stomach softly. _Don't worry, baby, you're staying here with me._

* * *

Twenty-four finds me. I'm standing behind my dining table with nothing but the dim glow of a random number of candles lighting the room full of friends, my mother and brother smiling at me proudly.

I looked behind all the faces and saw my little girl twirling to the light music playing in the background. She was dressed in her favorite tutu like the beautiful princess she was. I smiled at her and felt my eyes become watery as I thought about everything I've been through. I wiped away a stray tear and looked back down at the cake bearing my name in gel frosting.

I looked at my daughter once again. _You are my happy birthday. You were born to make my life happy once again. Thank you. You saved me._

_I know, I know. It's not just another birthday. Because I'm here, she's here… and look just how far we've come. I don't need my dad to call me, see me, hold me, or free me. Thank you, honey, for giving me a happy birthday._

_We'll be fine._


End file.
